yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I did not marry a roomba.
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