That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
