ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
