did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
