Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
