This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
