Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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