I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
