Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Quick, to the slutcave!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
