yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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