If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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