Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
