ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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