Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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