White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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