when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
