Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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