So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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