"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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