I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
