Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
