just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sobbing to NWA
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
