Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
