Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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