i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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