you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
