Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
