omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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