sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
