Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
