He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
