After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
