It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
