seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
