Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
A+ Viking dick
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
