somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
