paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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