there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
