This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
