I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
