Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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