my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
