Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
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