She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I want a musical about memes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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