Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
