I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
