I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
