plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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