Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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