If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
