You're my little dorito
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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