i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
